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A belated thanks

Today I am writing to express belated thanks to a kind gentleman who found me collapsed on the side of the road just south of Carterton. He was on the way home at 1.30 am in the morning from the Palmerston Airport when he saw me and stopped. I never got his name and would like to publicly thank him for his kind deed and explain the circumstances that bought me to be collapsed on the side of the road at that time of the morning. 

I have suffered from depression since the age of 18 and was staying at my son’s house in Greytown at the time because I was seriously ill (with medicine over prescription, I found out about 4 months ago) I couldn’t walk more than a couple of miles without collapsing.

That night I went to bed at about 8 o’clock and awoke at 11.30pm in the middle of one of the worst depressions I have ever suffered. I was not in control of my mind at all. It was filled with thoughts of killing myself and wanted to find a railway track to put my head onto so I could be decapitated. As I had no idea where the Greytown railway station was I headed out the house walking towards Carterton in the knowledge that my body would collapse before reaching the railways lines.

I tried to warn my son I needed help, stopping on the way out by saying, “I’ m going out for a walk, I may be some time.” Unfortunately I only got the first part out (this was a reference to one of Scott’s men in the Antarctic who went for a walk in the blizzard to commit suicide. So that didn’t work.)

Fortunately it was focussed on the railway exclusively as I passed a couple of rivers on the way (although I don’t I would have drowned as they were only knee deep, but I could have broken my legs.) It was just after these bridges that I collapsed. At 1.30am this kind Samaritan stopped and the only words I could manage to say were. “I’m sick”

He promptly phoned an ambulance who gave him a hard time asking him if was drunk or drugs. I got the impression they didn’t want to send an ambulance. I could hear everything that he said but couldn’t speak. The ambulance came and hauled me off and he went on his way without me being able to thank him. So that is why I wrote this letter…
Thank you, kind sir, for helping another human being in distress. May the blessings of God and Love descend upon you!

I am also writing this to try to explain to people the consequences of that trip to hospital – and not the last trip either, for I was still being poisoned by over-prescription. But it was the last time for depression because after 40 years I finally received some help with the disease.

As I stated, my depressions started at the age of 18 (I am now 62) and went totally untreated until around ten years ago. It turns out my depression is caused by a hormone unbalance where I literally run out of serotonin in my body and my brain collapses. That is a very uncomfortable feeling and I used to use my medicine as a prophylactic to prevent the onset of depression. I had only ever once before been in a suicidal state (that one lasted three days as I packed up all my belonging and organised my affairs).
I do remember waking up once on a Tuesday and the only thing I can remember of the previous five days was getting out of bed once to go to the toilet. When I came out of depressions my friends would say, “Oh, you’re back!” as if I had almost been away on holiday. I really didn’t even know I had depression as when I woke up I promptly forgot about them, as they were times when “I” wasn’t in control. It was as if a stranger came into my mind and took it over for however long they wanted (up to a week) until the lacking serotonin was replaced again.

I finally realised I had depression when reading an article that stated people with depression often paint their rooms yellow and have bright lights. I looked around my canary yellow kitchen – the only part not painted yellow was the floor – and at the 400 watt light bulb I used and realised that it was talking about me!

I want to say to people that being mentally ill is very isolating and your friendship in times of mental illness is very important. I was an isolationist in my depressions – I just disappeared, went to bed and stayed there until it had gone.

The outcome of that trip to hospital was help from the mentally emergency crew for the first time in my life. They sorted out a medicine regime that actually worked and I haven’t had a full blown depression since, just the odd dip a couple of times.

Then about 4 months ago I was hauled off to hospital from my umpteenth collapse and a doctor took my blood pressure sitting down and then standing up and discovered that my blood pressure was dropping by 30% when I stood up! And the collapses were caused by low blood pressure because no one had ever taken my blood pressure whilst standing before and they were treating me for the falsely elevated reading. The end result being that my brain was being starved of oxygen and I was collapsing all over the place. I instantly stopped taking my blood pressure tablets and felt like I was 20 years old again! Since then I have been recovering my life and rebuilding it.

To all depression sufferers I say this, sometimes the only thing that kept me going was the phrase, “This too will pass!” I hope this will be of help to you. There are many variations of depression and sometimes a book called, “The Black Dog” is excellent for many of them. Just two small recommendations.

I fell truly peaceful for the first time in my life! I am gradually rebuilding my life having written over 300 blogs of up to a thousand words each over the past year and a bit, and am getting my life back on course.

I am also rebuilding my employment chances again as I have been unemployed for a large part of my adult life, especially since 2002 when I had a nervous breakdown. Now I know why – the depression made me unreliable.
I am sorry for the length of this letter and hope you can publish it in your newspaper, not necessarily in the letters to the editor, to give hope to other sufferers of this terrible isolating disease.

Again thank you to that anonymous man and to all the people who have since helped me recover a lot of my health (the number one priority in life). Only by being healthy can we ever hope to achieve a lot of the other things – happiness, success, detachment, peace and prosperity.

Kindest regards,
reverend master j’iam



Ding Dong the witch is dead!

Gone is the black dog out of my life for a while now. I notice that I am only getting two or three a year, now that I take medicine every day. But when they hit they are “Poo!” Lol! Today the black dog is gone completely. Many thanks for your prayers and best wishes all, especially my son Anis, who is a lovely man!

Now i can get back to work – which is trying to create a divine civilisation using my special talents and abilities. I used to curse my talents as none of them ever translated well into cash – I was and artist and a philosopher, but never in the mainstream, so life was always a struggle. I noticed that I was always the last to get hired and the first to get fired. And that if I had a job then times were good indeed!  When times are good i find it easier to start a business and earn money that way, as some of my inbuilt habits are hard to fit into a job.

For instance because I am using my brain and soul a lot I get tired and when I have to sleep i have to sleep. In my own business I used to get up at 4am and work through until 11 o’clock in the morning and then go to bed for an hours sleep. This worked well as I awoke for the lunchtime rush! But that doesn’t work too well for other businesses. I worked part for a business and lifted them from a craft level to an art level. I used to get a piece of cardboard and have 20 minutes sleep on the floor at lunch time to recoup my energy. People thought i was “strange” but I know best how to live my life so i don’t get exhausted!

So if you don’t fit into the normal patterns of life then you just have to explore your own patterns and start living by those – no matter what other people think! (it is none of my business what other people think of me!) If you are like this then there is probably a reason for it – you have some job to do later in life (it may literally be around the corner!) that only you can do! This is your BEingness. Normal people don’t have the right beingness to perform the big jobs of the world!

So try to turn your lemons into lemonade, if possible. Remember Winston Churchill suffered from the black dog in the middle of a war, when the country depended on him for it’s survival. I am sure the people didn’t know this at the time and he spent much of his time working in bed – because that was where he felt the best working! And when the Black Dog struck he didn’t have far to go!

The most important thing in life is to BE true to yourself – always. And because we are all different we have different ways of achieving this. There are some higher spiritual laws that MUST BE obeyed to BE true to yourself. One being the 11th commandment which teaches us to Be true to God, Yourself and then Others – and in that order! Do this and follow the higher laws and you change from a physical being to a Spiritual and metaphysical being! The effect of this is to increase your energy levels from 1 to 11, to 111 and then through to 1,111 (Physical energy = 1, Metaphysical energy = 10, Spiritual energy = 100, the energy of the Higher Laws = 1,000!).

So how do you start moving up into the higher energy levels (of the higher laws). By being reborn into the spiritual (by asking to be reconnected with it) and then by setting up a virtuous cycle (using the physical energy to build it (thus translating your energy level from 1 to 10, 100 and 1,000). And then by moving your life from the physical to the spiritual planes. This movement is called “achieving heaven, nirvana, detachment, happiness, bliss, ecstasy etc”)

Once you achieve this state your specific mission in life will be pointed out to you, offered to you (you have the right of refusal – but please, please, don’t!!!) Mine happened 7 years ago and I accepted it at the drop of the hat with 100% full commitment – i had been waiting 55 years for this offer! Hallelujah!

I still have another 23 years to serve and the going is not always easy but i would never change it. After all “everything that is hard to start becomes easier and easier, whilst everything that is easy to start becomes harder and harder (to live with)!” As time passes the world is changing as it moves towards the ideas I have been gifted from on high!

Everyone speaks of a desire for world peace and prosperity, but very few can offer a METHOD of achieving it! I have been gifted the Wholistic (Holy) Peace(Poor) and Prosperity(Abundant) Network(Synergy) (WPPN) which solves all the problems of creating PERSONAL peace and prosperity. By starting at the personal level we solve the old problem of the body being sick because the cells are sick. Heal the cells (Us – You and I) and the body will become healthy too! The solution is as simple as that! Think global, but act local (in yourself – you can’t get any more local than that!) Make the cells of the body peaceful and prosperous then the world will become peaceful and prosperous too! Man is always starting at the wrong end! Always trying to cure the symptoms instead of healing at the source of the problem!

Each of us has a duty in this new age to be the best we can, which spiritually speaking is to be peaceful (Poor) and Prosperous(Abundant). These two states can only be achieved by joining the higher spiritual states of life. We can each begin by building a virtuous cycle within WPPN and start learning by the doing! The secret is to create our BEingness by learning from the doing and havingness of the virtuous cycle within WPPN!!

You’d think that this would cost a lot of money, but God never keeps anyone away from Peace and Prosperity (the states of Poor and Abundant) because of lack on their part. The total is $25 per month and there is even a sweat equity system for those who can’t afford this.

The building of a virtuous cycle means that members are literally able to lift themselves by their bootstraps! You don’t have to BE an expert – that will come with time and learning from the building of virtuous cycles in your life (“They that have (the virtuous cycle) shall be given more! They that have not shall be taken away from, even what they have!”)

So what have you got to lose? Nothing! (There is a 3 month money back guarantee) What have you got to gain? Everything!

Go to the WPPN website to get a glimpse of the network –

If you like what you see and want to know more then email me and I can explain it to you over a period of time (It’s a huge concept!) and hopefully you will join (the commitment is not to WPPN, but to yourself – the hardest of commitments to make in this physical world!)

Kindest regards,

May Love, Health, Happiness, Peace, Success and Prosperity BE yours,

reverend master j’iam


phone/text: 0221 625 941 (New Zealand)

WPPN Website;



skype: jiamwppn

toadstool lady 700

Black Dog, Black Dog, Black Dog!

Over the past 36 hours I have been suffering from the black dog of depression. My depression is caused by hormonal instabilities where my seratonin levels drop and I can just feel my world collapsing! Luckily I have medication that works most of the time and I only get a couple a year, when I take extra tablets, which usually fixes things. Then there are times where no rhyme of reason seems to take place and the medicine just doesn’t seem to work and I just have to crawl to bed and wait for it to pass. 


What a miserable place depression is! Everything is grey to black, nothing is funny, there seems to be no reason to live, there is no laughter anymore (remember i like to laugh 3 hours a day!). And time passes so slowly the only escape is sleep. 

And when it’s gone my appetite is back, I feel alive and exhilarated (“nothing so exhilarates a man as being shot at and missed!” Winston Churchill), I remember all the good things I have and my mission for the world. 

How can you help me? Say a prayer that Love and Light may fill me and lift me from the dark dispair of depression. I know it’s not me that is occupying my mind because I can see into my mind from the outside! If I am on the outside, who has taken over my brain?!!

Kindest regards, j’iam


3 states of happiness, 3 states of unhappiness

Know there are 3 states of happiness and three states of unhappiness, making 6 in all.

 On the physical plane happiness is known as contentment.

On the metaphysical plane happiness is known as Joy.

On the Spiritual plane happiness is in two parts and is known as Ecstasy and Bliss.

If we rearrange the planes starting from the top (the spiritual),we can proceed down into the unhappy states of lack of happiness…

1) Spiritual = Ecstasy and Bliss.

2) Metaphysical = Joy.

3) Physical = content.

If we don’t have Ecstasy and Bliss, we tend to fill the two positive states and move into the first state of unhappiness to replace the missing spiritual state The first state of unhappiness is, of course, Dis-content. So the flipping between the different levels we now go…

2) Metaphysical = Joy.

3) Physical = content.

4) Negative Physical = Dis-content.

Of course the “states ” of unhappiness aren’t really states at al,l because they are negatives. But for convenience here today, we will name positive States with a capital S and negaitive States with a small s. 

Once we start a downward spiral it tends to accelerate and soon we lose the Joy in life, and move into the metaphysical state of lack which is mostly Depression. So we go…

3) Physical = content.

4) Negative Physical = Dis-content.

 5) Negative Metaphysical = Depression.

 It wont be too long before we lose contentment and drop into the third negative state of Self-destruction and Addictions. Then we are completely “in the Poo!”

4) Negative Physical = Dis-content.

 5) Negative Metaphysical = Depression.

 6) Negative Spiritual = Self-destruction and Addictions

 When we reach this state of three negatives our choices are simple – rehabilitation, living death, real death or spiritual rebirth.

Rehabilitation is a long slow process fraught with difficulties and setbacks.

Living death is the Biblical state of “the wages of sin(our faults) is (living)Death” and is an inevitable outcome of not changing. Death can be granted only by God or by suicide(another, ultimate sin), Whilst rebirth is the quickest and easiest way from the bottom to the top,  because the six units are circular in shape, so self-destruction is actually spiritually right next door to Ecstasy and Bliss! The wall between the two can only be opened by rebirth though.

How do I know about this process? Because I went through it! When I reached the precipice of self destruction I was lucky enough to be shown the signs and asked for an answer, a solution. By speaking out of my mouth (as I lay in bed in the dark) “God if you exist, please show me!” Seven words and sixth months was all it took to save me! Lol! And if you are in my former situation, that is all it will take to save you too!

It is as easy as that. And if you aren’t a HARD CORE ATHEIST (like I was), it will probably take far less time! I was reborn into the Holy Spirit on a Saturday morning after 509 people prayed for me on the Friday night. I had a “Royal Rebirth” as I had not really learned of any of the “messengers of God” messages (except to refute/deny them!). Which means i was born of the Holy Spirit alone and then God told me were to go for “deepening”. And that was the beginning of my true spiritual journey into the light (away from the darkness of atheism – although the darkness kept me covered/protected for 14 years of my life). 

So my life has always been choreographed by God, even when I was in denial! LOL! And your life is the same! God is organizing your life towards a “meeting” and all you have to do is speak 7 words to be moved from any state to the top states of Ecstasy and Bliss! And once you are in Ecstasy and Bliss, then Joy and contentment come pretty much automatically as a flow-on effect. 

After you are reborn, you have to be open to NEW KNOWLEDGE from God (not churches) and be prepared to follow His words, no matter how unpopular they make you with your “friends” . Remember “all things are made anew” in the spiritual world, so many of your past friends who continue on the same destructive paths we were on, are going to, slowly or quickly, drift away ! Only to be replaced by new friends – who are on the same spiritual path we are now following!

Know their are 9 manifested paths to God through messengers. We can go to the messenger, through the messenger and to God. The tenth path is straight to God through the Holy Spirit. We are then sent to each of the messengers to reveal the spiritual history of mankind and learn the spiritual (Love) messages they bought to mankind (not the rules and regulations of their age except for the latest messenger who is the source of this miraculous “New Age”.) 

So if you can pinpoint yourself on the happiness/unhappiness scale, you have found a cure for you woes. If you are already fulfilling the Ecstasy/Bliss/Joy and contentment niches, then welcome Brother/Sister! Come and Join me in building the world anew!

Having reread this article through I feel there is still plenty of room for expansion on this subject, but it is not coming today so I have fulfilled today’s message.

kindest regards,

May Love, Health, Happiness, Peace, Success and Prosperity BE yours,

reverend master j’iam

WPPN Website;




skype: jiamwppn

phone/text: 0221 625 941





dazed , confused and depressed

At the moment (right now, today), i am mentally ill. i have suffered from depression since my 18th year (i am now 62) and have “cured” that 7 years ago, as I found it was a hormone imbalance that was creating them and the medicine only came out at that date. 

Although the cure is great it is not infallible, and sometimes nothing, but nothing, can stop it.

Today I am fuzzy and my head feels like it is in a bucket of cotton wool as I am having trouble hearing what people are saying. I can hear them speaking, but i can’t actually hear what they are saying, i don’t understand the meanings of the words. Many years ago I did an experiment as an artist and blindfolded myself for 4 hours to test what happens in a state of sensory deprivation. I though i’d be able to see colours better and all sorts of things, but when I removed the blindfold I couldn’t connect things together. If I lloked at my stereo and then the speakers I could understand that the two were somehow connected.  Looking at a photo of my family I could recognise each of the people in the picture but I couldn’t group them together as a family. each one was an individual in a picture. That is what the depression feels like today.n’t know how cohesive this article will be because i cannot read it as an article, only as a series of sentences on the same page but not connected to each other.

Depression is an invisible disease, when you are not in one it appears as if you are as healthy as the next man. But when you are in one everything falls to pieces. You can’t think straight, the lights dim down, even in full sunlight, it is hard to string thoughts together.

Today I feel as if I am an idiot savant. When I am not ill, I am quite brilliant. When I am ill, I feel sub-human and totally removed from the human race. Today I feel ill. 

Hopefully this will be gone tomorrow and i will be back to normal.

Reading through what I’ve written I notice I haven’t put in a single exclamation mark. I usually write with lot’s of them because writing usually excites me, but not today.

If you know someone who suffers from depression and you can play an instrument or sing then go around to their house and play. It may not seem to be appreciated but inside it is doing wonders some music for them. Music is tremendously uplifting and doubly so when it comes from the heart of a real live person standing there in front of you. 

Spike Milligan suffered terribly from depression and on bad jelly the witch there is a song he sings about a baboon trying to run fast enough to leave the earths gravity. In that song he is in a depression. He sings like I am writing today, flat, toneless. If you listen to that song first and listen to any other song on the album you will hear the different in the tone of the voice! (an exclamation mark!)

Winston Churchill suffered from the “black dog” too. And he was the prime minister of England at it’s darkest hour! and though he would be incapacitated for 4 or five days it was never long enough to endanger Britain. And when he “came back” he worked like a banshee! I think there is a message in there somewhere.

kindest regards 




The art of depression

For many years now (from the age of 18 onwards) I have suffered from depression. Unknown to me it was hormonally based and when my seratonin levels gets to low in my body my brain just collapsed. It can get quite serious. One time I spent three days trying to get back into my brain as I was suspended to the right rear of my head, whilst my body walked around for that time organising my affairs in preparation to killing itself. Another time I went to bed on a thursday and awoke the next tuesday and the only thing I remembered was getting up once to go to the toilet! Five days lost! About 9 years ago a doctor prescribed me citalopram which cured the depressions!

I noticed that during the 30 odd years of depression it was never really me who suffered. I was somehow detached, sent away from my brain during the depressions. When the depression was over my friends would say, “Oh, you’re back!” like saying “hello” to someone who had been away on a cruise ship! Lol!

Depression has nothing to do with happiness and sadness for me, but people who don’t know abount it think it is a thinking/happiness problem – BUZZZ, NO! To express this false belief I painted a picture (below) many years ago. Notice how the clown behind the mask is happy – i’ve always been happy! The sad mask is simply an illusion, blue because it is not alive – and it never manages to kill me! And what doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger! Lol!


I wouldn’t wish depression on anyone else, but I don’t regret having it myself as it has helped to shape my life as I worked my way around it.  Sickness has nothing to do with internal happiness and one can be Healthy whilst being ill. How is that possible? Because sickness is only in the body and the brain, but Health is in the Soul! Extreme cases would be Steven Hawkins today, or Helen Keller and John Merrick (the elephant man) in the past.  All of these people have overcome their sicknesses to lead full and useful lifes. So always aim to be Healthy (notice the capital H – it is a Spiritual state) and deal with your sickness the best way you can. I know it took me a long time to “cure” my depression, but I have always been “Healthy”!

Mull on this if you have an unwell body and/or brain. Your Soul is above your body and we are only here for a short time. If you are 20 today it will take another 42 years to reach my age, But when you are 62 you will turn around and wonder how those 42 years disapeared in just three weeks! Lol!

Life IS short, enjoy each day to the maximum of your capacity. Look at the clouds and see the Glory of the world! Listen to the rain and be grateful that it does rain and sustain all our lives! And when you are occasionally feeling well, enjoy it to the maximum and say, “This is the true (the Spiritual) Me!”!  And amongst all this try to achieve your purpose in life – to help create a divine civilisation! Even the very, very sick are helping to do this by providing meaningful soul service to others who look after you!

Health, Happiness, Peace, Success and Prosperity be upon you!