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suicide is painles?(methinks not!)

Suicide is painless ?

Through Early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that
I realize and I can see
              
That Suicide is Painless
 It brings on many changes
 And I can take or leave it if I please

recently I fell into the hell of hopeless depression  and came very close to 
committing suicide! Only God's  commandment, “thou shalt no kill.” as revealed 
through moses stopped me carrying it out!luckily, a friend of mine called the policea
and they hauled me of to hospital.(thank you richard!)
It i now nearly a fortnight later I am still amazed at how hopeless the deprssion 
made me . I now understand how people who have never been depresed before can be swung away and 
top themelves after half an hour of their first encounter with depresion!. 
I have benn having depressions since I was 18 and don't even remember the first two or 
three!

It took 20 years to get the first suicidal depression and they have started popping up 
more frequently in the past 10 years – I wonder how many more I can go through without
harming 
hurting myself/

  my family are talking about putting me in a home for my own safety as I don't 
look after myself very well, not eating properly etc.

iI’d like to stay independent, on the outside of a facility if possible as I am slowly healing from some of my problems (incontinence)(healing quite rapidly actually!)

depression – what is it??? I believe it is a separation of the brain and the soul from each other where the soul can longer influence the brain and leaves it in dispair!(a breaking of the brain soul synergy!) And hopelessness

thank you for reading this short article,

reverend mastr j’iam

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God is the source of all Happiness

God is the source of all Happiness, all Contentment, all Joy, all Bliss and all Ecstasy!

He is immensely powerful, beyond our comprehension – God need only say Be and it is!

Miracles are just actions beyond our understandings. God is above the laws of Man and Nature!

So Be reasonable and expect miracles every day

021 expect miracles

Spiritual, motivation, truth, poster,

What is the difference between riches and wealth?

042 riches and wealth

My Mission, by reverend master j’iam

Hello, My name is reverend master J’iam

I am not a church reverend, but a human reverend. The word reverend actually means, “servant of the people.” Just as all doctors are not medical doctors, then neither are all reverends church reverends. Lewis Carol was a reverend like myself.

I am also a master. Again master means “servant of Man” (note the capital M) Man is a metaphysical state of intelligence, that is open to both males and females.

And my only name is J’iam, which means Hand (J= hod= hand), of (‘) and I Am which is the name of the Holy/Christ spirit. So J’iam literally means servant of I Am, servant of Love, servant of God!

So all three of my names mean servant, servant, servant! This is what I was put on earth to do!

At the moment I am 9 years into a 30 year mission, that I accepted from God.

My mission is to replace capitalism with a spiritual system of economics. I received the spiritual economic system in an epiphany in 1992. It is called the Wholistic Peace and Prosperity Network (synergy.) Also known as WPPN.

It took me 19 years to fully understand WPPN and since then I have “officially” set it up and am recruiting members. Of course I was the first member and spent the first nineteen years experimenting on myself, to test it’s authenticity. After all that time I concluded that it was 100% true and opened it up to others. Just don’t accuse me of haste! Lol!

Today we have 4 members and that spreads us half the way around the world from New Zealand to Australis to Liberia – in an almost perfectly straight line!

our network as of 2015.02.18

our network as of 2015.02.18

This year (2015) will see our numbers increase to 100. Once we reach this point the next goal is 1,000 members. After that we will be noticed by the press and will increase to 10,000, 100,000 and 1,000,000 members respectively.

By this stage, the answer will be fully set up and working wholistically and it will spread to 4% of the worlds population, when the principle of the 100th monkey will increase the numbers from 4% to 60% of the worlds population in a single leap. All this will happen by 2035.

As Nelson Mandela said, “It always seems impossible, until some one does it!” I have been chosen by God to be that someone.

I will then have a year to review my work, receive a little glory and will die the following year – 2036 (God willing!)

And that basically is my life.

What does WPPN do? It sets up virtuous cycles that solve problems in every “ordinary” person’s life. Basically, in a nutshell, it takes care of…

happiness

work

income

housing

legacy

by creating

continuity,

stability

growth(abundance)

The network enables us to first be “United” (Whole) to increase our personal energy levels to 111. This is called an internal synergy. “A house divided can never win” so, “A house united will always win!”

Our internal synergy (unitedness) enables us to become empowered, so our energy levels can increase to 1,111 on the first spiritual level. Em means from without, so we gain energy from God/Love/ the universe to forward our lives. Abundance always comes from the spiritual level, whilst riches come from the physical/metaphysical levels.

In spiritual abundance the first task is always our internal happiness and unification.

WPPN is first and foremost a spiritual system that increases our spiritual, metaphysical and physical abundance.

WPPN is the new age answer to old economic problems – spiritual solutions to economic problems! Not on a world level, where it can do you no good, but on a personal level where it does you good and you can then do good by the world! Always the answer is to start with yourself and then expand outwards.

How can people in poverty change the world? They can’t!

How do the rich change the world? Only for the worse for the majority of people!

How do the poor change the world – by adding happiness to the world (“Blessed are the Poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven”) I can think of no higher state of happiness than the “Kingdom of Heaven”, can you?”

And again it is the Poor that provide the pool of people for “the abundant”

How do the poor/abundant change the world? These people are the wealthy of the world. Gandhi, mother Teresa, the Dalai Lama are but three examples of wealthy people. We can all be like them, to greater or lesser degrees, when we become “empowered” And WPPN is the key to individual empowerment!

May Love, peace, happiness, health, success and prosperity Be yours,

reverend master j’iam

P.S. to get the above qualities join the Wholistic Peace and Prosperity Network system today!

jiam black background circular 600

A guide to the path of ultimate happiness in this new age

047-find happiness in poor and abundant

Kindest regards,

reverend master j’iam

The parable of the magnets 2015

This is a parable. It explains how the laws of attraction works in two planes; (1) the dis-empowered (physical and metaphysical) planes and (2) the empowered (spiritual) planes!

We all know what magnets are. They are metallic rods of invisible energy that attract iron.

attraction magnets01

There are two opposite poles, called the North and South. This is because a magnet is a physical object and the physical world works on opposites – good and bad, day and night, north and south!

attraction magnets02

So the north pole attracts the south pole and both poles attract steel and together they follow the magnetic lines of the earth (as in a compass.)

attraction magnets04A

The magnetism itself is metaphysical energy. Know that the application of an electromagnet to the poles that disturbs the magnetic field can cause it to attract brass and aluminium (ref. 1951 Popular Mechanics). That is the effect of electricity on magnets. This is a meta-physical affect. Meta means beyond, so metaphysical means beyond the physical. Electricity is definitely a metaphysical energy too and has a definite effect on magnetism, which is also a metaphysical energy.

In our human lives we have a “magnetic-like” energy that either attracts things to us or repels them from us.

attraction magnets03

At the age of 15 we become “spiritual Adults” and are expected to start organising our own magnets into line. Why? Because at this age the vast majority of peoples magnets are in disarray and look like this…

attraction magnets04

It is far easier to align the energies at this stage, when the numbers to align are still small. As children we should be taught the “Rod”, that is to say the teaching of Gods methods, so we are already aligned we we reach 15. It is much easier to align things with the existing alignments. There is no alignment at all in the above picture and that leads to adulthood energies just being thrown on top of one another to look like this…

attraction magnets05

Notice how chance is the result of having non-aligned energies. When we align our energies we look like this…

attraction magnets06

Imagine how the attractive force of each magnet is multiplied by it’s neighbour. People who are aligned tend to be known as “Lucky!” but Luck is simply an acronym that means Labour Under Correct Knowledge! When we organise our energies to be align we are no longer working in chance but working under a method, to a plan, with definite goals!

People who are aligned this way are aligned by Choice! We have to make the decision to be aligned and it will happen. If we don’t make this decision we simply remain unaligned to greater or lesser degrees (depending on luck!) Chance is the foundation stone of all vicious cycles. Lol!

I work to help people set goals and I know that to simply set correctly written goals means 95% of them will come true within 5 years. This is because a written goal is not a wish, but a command under the spiritual “powers of command.”

Even when aligned our natural magnets still attract and repel

attraction magnets08

Spiritually Love Attracts All. Love is the magnet that holds the very atoms together, holds the solar system together, holds the universe together. We are part of the universe, so why doesn’t it naturally hold us together? Because the full law reads “Love Attracts All, except the human heart that chooses to turn away!” This is called free will!

Free will exists in two realms only – in God’s unknowable realm where God is free to do anything He wants and in man’s sphere where we are free to turn towards God/Love or to turn away!

“But I didn’t choose to turn away!” I hear you say! I didn’t either in my younger years, but I was never guided in the right direction either, because my parents (God rest and Bless their souls) didn’t know how to do it themselves! Whilst the Law talks about turning away, it actually means the opposite – we have to turn towards, to voluntarily choose, to literally ask out aloud for love! To not ask aloud for love is literally the same as asking for the opposite!

The secret of life is so simple – simply ASK to be introduced to Love in it’s Highest form – I Am, the knowable essence of God. We cannot simply think this, as thoughts have no energy. We have to voice it aloud, or write it and voice it – which is even more powerful as this choice uses both light and sound energies to ask!(writing = light =100 energy, speaking = sound =10 energy)

Okay, so let’s assume you have asked and have been “Reborn.” You are then free to enter the spiritual state that is called “Poor”. In this state the magnetism changes. The state of Poor is like the chrysalis stage of the butterfly. To Be Poor is to Be happy and detached from all except Love. This is proved by the scripture that states, “Blessed are the Poor, for yours is the kingdom of Heaven (God)!

What this means is that the poor work under God’s laws of providence, where everything they need will be provided for them, as they are truly happy and detached from everything except God!

We are talking about magnets, so how does this show in a diagram? It shows as magnets with one pole covered, so it basically becomes a mono-pole magnet! This means we no longer attract anything negative or repel anything positive!

attraction magnets10

So the negative attraction pole is deactivated and only the attraction pole is left going. This is basically the state of “Poor,” The state of poor works under the laws of Providence which state, “Anything you Need will be given to you, either free or very cheap!” We have to learn to use this law effectively before we can move onto the laws of abundance.

attraction magnets13

Basically, over time, what we do is build a ring of mono-pole magnets around us so we are working in providence 100%. This equates to our car license in the physical world. Once we have achieved this state in our lives, we start studying for our pilot’s license, which is the laws of abundance!

In abundance the neutralised pole changes from repulsion to attraction! Yes I know this is impossible in the physical world, but we are dealing in the spiritual world here and this is the way it works in the spiritual world

attraction magnets11

attraction magnets12

This is a more diagrammatic explanation of the double attraction. Laid out in 3D it looks like this………..

attraction magnets14

Here the north pole acts as a magnet to providence whilst the south pole acts as a magnet to abundance. And this is the secret of spiritual law – the laws are not Either/Or, but AND. So a wealthy man remains both a Poor man and an Abundant man!

The Abundant man never leaves the state of Poor, ever. If the Wealthy man loses his state of Abundance, he is still Poor! So it is not nearly as traumatic for the Wealthy Man to lose everything material as he still keeps his identity! It is very traumatic for the rich man to lose his material possessions as that is all they have got as an identity!

The rich man gets rich by taking. The wealthy man gets abundant by gifting! There is a huge difference in their ways of gathering. The rich person can achieve the negative state of riches be simply doing and having. Their havingness then becomes their “security”.

The wealthy man gets abundant by Gifting of His BEingness, of his happiness, which was developed in the Poor state. If a Man loses his abundance he still keeps his Happiness, because his very BEingness IS his Happiness!

That is the main difference between riches and abundance – the “happiness” of riches is dependent of possessions, whilst wealth is dependent on Happiness, Beingness – their possessions are secondary.

Let’s just compare the two different states from a different viewpoint

riches                                      Wealth

XXX                                           BEing

doing                                       doing

having                                     having

Possessions                           possessions

Can you see how the foundations of riches are possessions, whilst the foundations of wealth is BEingness. Possessions can be entirely removed from the wealth state without affecting the Wealthy person’s happiness!

Not so with riches. Remove the rich persons possessions and they have no BEingness, no happiness to keep them going! Their happiness is based on commodities which ebb and flow in life. If your happiness is dependent on the flow and ebb of possessions, then surely your happiness is going to flow and ebb too?

The state of Poor is the state that teaches you detachment from possessions, so you can happily advance into Abundance and Wealth!

Riches are about possessions whilst Wealth is about Empowerment. If you are to be empowered with energy you have to learn how to control it. The state of Poor teaches us that we cannot control Gods Energy, simply direct where it can safely go in our house (like an electrician does with the wiring!). If you like, the state of Poor wires us up correctly to handle the energies of the state of Abundance.

Another way to look at it is with water flow. The negative state of riches is a pond of water we collect and keep. Now, water that is not running soon becomes stagnant because it is not flowing and renewing itself.

The state of poor introduces an outflow(Gifting) and an inflow(Receiving.) In the physical world most people try to establish an inflow first, but where is it going to go? No, we need both an outlet and inlet in that order. Our Giftings are our outflow and they are guaranteed to return multiplied! As the returns become bigger and bigger over time the pond is replaced with a flowing river!

In the spiritual world we introduce an outflow first and the laws of sowing and reaping guarantee us a multiplied return! So our inflow is taken care of as long as we accept the returns. Over time the inflow gets bigger and bigger, as does the outflow(because we automatically gift 10% of all returns!). This cause erosion of the in/out channels and the stagnant pond is eliminated altogether by the flow of water and becomes part of the stream of energy passing through your life!

We start small by establishing gifting habits in token form and do this consistently. Whilst our end goal is 10% of all incomes, we don’t start there as we need to train on a smaller level on which we can be consistent! Why the emphasis on consistency? Because God doesn’t judge us on amounts of money but on consistency first, stability second and growth/money last!

However when we give in token we receive it back multiplied. And from our receiving we can give the full 10%. And from the full 10% gifting we get it back multiplied too, so it becomes a compounding situation! (how do you give a financier an orgasm? Talk to him about compounding! Lol!) It is this compounding that eventually leads to abundance!

What stops abundance happening? Sticking to old negative thoughts and habits of attachment. The key to abundance is to turn your money into a tool of Love! It’s as simple as that! However it’s not as easy as that! Which is why WPPN (The Wholistic Peace and Prosperity Network)was set up so we can tap into a system that helps us make it easier to achieve.

We don’t have to be good to become good! We don’t have to be happy to become happy, Lol! We have to change ourselves bit by bit internally (an external glossing will never do as we are standing in front of God and He can see right through us!)

But inch by inch, life is a cinch! We join the network and straight away we are doing the first three steps of gifting with a portion of our money! Over time (perhaps 5 to 10 years) we expand this portion out to cover all of our money, assets, goods and services (so we are wholistic) and abundance starts to manifest in our lives. Long before this happens though, our happiness increases in leaps and bounds, as we fit into the empowered state of “Poor!”

The state of “Poor” is an upward mobilisation of happiness. The station of “Abundance” is an upward mobilisation of material possessions to empower us in the physical world. The spiritual order is always Happiness First and possessions second!

Happiness First and possessions second!

Poor first and Abundance second!

This is the path. this is the path. this is the path!

May Love, Health, Happiness, Peace, Success and Prosperity Be Yours

through the Wholistic Peace and Prosperity Network,

Amen

reverend master j’iam

jiam black background circular 600

God is my Provider!

700 God is my provider prayer 2015

Faith without Deeds is Dead!

Faith without Deeds is Dead, therefore only Faith with Deeds is alive!

In this new Age do you think God’s Love for us has shrunk or expanded? Look at the constant flow of miracles we experience every day! God Loves us even more openly in this New Age, the greatest of all ages so far! He wants to look after all our Needs! All of them! Why is this? Because God is Whole, not partial. And we live in the first new age of wholism!

In this new age it doesn’t just include our spiritual growth, but also includes work, income and housing! This is the first time in the history of Man that this has happened!

In this New Age God has expanded His care on earth from the spiritual to include the physical and the metaphysical. The physical was manifested in the industrial revolution, the metaphysical in the computer revolution and now He is to manifest the new spiritual order in the current happening revolution – which will Be in place by 2035! This is why the churches are losing their power because they only deal with the spiritual and the New Age is Wholistic! By the time they wake up it will be too late for them.

This new age is caused by a huge expansion in God’s Love on earth. Simple as that! Every new idea and invention since 1844 (1260 in the Muslim calendar) has come from God through a human agent. As I say, “In the beginning God said, “Let there BE light!” and He invented the sun! In this new age he said, “Let there BE electric light!” and He invented (created) Edison!”

Why have we been gifted these countless miracles? Because Man has reached a state of spiritual maturity at last!

Do you think God has showered us with abundance in this new age so we can simply destroy ourselves? No! He has showered us with abundance that we may create a Divine Civilisation – “The like of which Mankind has never seen before!” So this is a complete spiritual revolution!

As with all revolutions the rules change. In the coming Divine Civilisation the rule will be with spiritually mature peoples of the earth – because the spiritually mature will own the assets of the earth, not the politicians, the rich, the usurers and the corrupt. Only by each of us owning all our assets forever (and passing them down through the generations) can we ensure everlasting Peace. Peace can only be obtained when the prosperity of the world is denied to the usurers and passed onto the people. Only the spiritually mature people can create their own Prosperity!

How do we create Prosperity? By creating Virtuous Cycles in our lives – first one, then two then many! How do we create virtuous cycles? By obeying and actioning the 11th commandment! What is rte simplest way of doing this? By joining WPPN (the Wholistic Peace and Prosperity Network) and training in this system – which was revealed to me by God in 1992!

It is extremely difficult to set up a wholistic Virtuous cycle by ourselves. I mean, God revealed it to me and it still took 19 years for me to understand the gift I had been given and to set it up to succeed in my life!

Much better to join WPPN and follow the simple step by step processes. It is extremely hard to set up perpetual spiritual, metaphysical and physical written goals by ourselves. So God has revealed to me a book called Commitments which are all the goals you’ll ever need to create your own success and a spiritual divine civilisation. Where can you buy this book? Well, you can’t – it is only available to members (for free) when they join! I know if I was a capitalist I could sell this book for many thousands of dollars per copy. But I am not a capitalist (capitalism is dying now) and I am a missionary. To be a capitalist you have to be willing to take advantage of peoples natures. To Be a missionary you have to want to change peoples behaviours for the better! I am a missionary with a 30 year mission that ends in 2036 at the age of 85. So where other people retire at 65 I am just starting my final 21 years!

We live in exciting times. On the surface it seems as if the world is in a state of decay and corruption – which it is! Most of us can only see the big trees decaying and falling. People are going around shouting and screaming, “The old trees are crumbling – we are doomed!” But they forget that God is always recreating the earth every second of the day! If they would just stop looking at the falling trees and look down to the bases of the trees, they’d see new living trees ready to spring up when the old tree actually does fall! One of these new, small trees at the base is WPPN!

So far our small tree has a core of three members – a 300% gain from the start of it. I call out, in the Name of God, to the world for new members that we may reach 100 members when it will start to arise (grow) in the world.

From 100 we will expand to 1,000 when it will become a permanent fixture in the world. From 1,000 it will rapidly grow to 10,000 and 100,000 and we will start to be studied by the press. From there things will rapidly evolve so that we (the people) become a world energy of God and the new Age!

It is all written in the Book of God for these things to happen. All we need now is the workers to construct it in their own lives and therefore in the world at large! “As within, so without!”

Come and join us. Investigate the Wholistic Peace and Prosperity Network to judge it’s truth and, when you find it to Be true, have the courage to commit to yourself first, to God and to the network.

Thank you for reading this I am grateful for you time,

many thanks, may Health, Happiness, Peace, Success, Prosperity and Love fall upon you,

reverend master J’iam

Forest floor Master 800 pixels

Poverty is first a state of mind and then a state of reality!

Just as poverty is first a state of mind that then manifests in reality, then so too is the state of Abundance! It begins in the mind and later manifests in reality because whatever the mind can conceive and believe it will achieve!

Poverty thoughts are thoughts of lack. Rich thoughts are thoughts of excess. Riches in reality are simply a variation of poverty because neither the povertic nor the rich man have internal happiness! Internal happiness comes from the state of Poor, where we learn to be happy by having sufficient!

The state of sufficiency is the first state of happiness and that is called Contentment. Once we become Content with our own sufficiency we can move onto the state of Abundance by learning the Joy of the universe and then proceeding onto Ecstasy and Bliss! (contentment, Joy and Ecstasy and Bliss are the three states of happiness – the physical (Contentment), the metaphysical (Joy) and the spiritual (Ecstasy and Bliss!)

 

Once we have sufficient we start living on margin AND BEGIN ACUMMULATING MORE THAN SUFFICIENT, SLOWLYY AND OVER A PERIOFD OF TIME SO WE CAN LEARN TO HANDLE IT. If we remain happy with sufficient and detached from the excess we start receiving, and then fully enter, the state of Abundance.

 

The state of abundance requires that we do something constructive with the excess we have, so we can build a divine civilisation – leave this world a better place than it was when we entered it! All excess needs a plan to handle it, it is as simple as that, otherwise it will turn around and bite you! In spiritual terms these plans are called a mission!

The danger of lack thoughts is that they are passed down from generation to generation, from parents to children by sheer indoctrination before the age of seven (when children stop accepting everything their parents tell them without judgement of any kind!) Spiritually this is expressed in the saying, “The children inherit the sins (faults) of the parents!”

 

Fortunately the opposite is true too and the children will (predominantly) inherit the correct actions of the parents as well! So the wealthy produce wealthy children and the povertics produce povertics! This why the Bible says that as adults we must, “Put away the things of childhood.” This means we must go through our adulthood thoughts and weed out negative and get rid of them entirely! This takes some effort – it takes no effort what so ever to continue on unchanged!

 

What is the one thing that people in poverty lack entirely? Why, spiritual thoughts of detachment and abundance, of course! What is the one thing that makes us truly happy in life? Why, spiritual thoughts of detachment and abundance and the actions that accompany them! When we have thoughts of detachment and abundance they are called (spiritually) the Water. When we have actions of detachment and abundance they are called (spiritually) the Fire (or the spirit).

 

The actions of detachment and abundance are called “Virtuous cycles.” Virtuous cycles lead directly to abundance, so we are free to pursue our true mission in life – the pursuit of the creation of a divine civilisation! God won’t do it by himself, because he has given us the job and the free will to either do it or to not do it! The moment we are born our task is to connect to the source of love – I Am, the knowable essence of God – and after that our purpose is singular – to help create a Divine Civilisation! To leave this world a better place when we go, than it was when we entered it! Put that way life is very simple, isn’t it?

It takes about seven years of constructive work to become truly detached and content with our lot. After that wealth starts manifesting, slowly at first and then rapidly! It said that when wealth comes it comes so rapidly and so abundantly that you wonder where it’s been hiding all your life?! It is also said that it takes 21 years to become an overnight success! Lol!

 

Well, strangely (to human beings), Abundance/Wealth is hiding behind the state of Poor! To reach the state of abundance we all have to go to the state of poor – and remain in and on it! For the state of Poor in an integral part of the state of abundance! Poor and Wealthy are not separate pieces of string, but a woven rope! We have to go to and through the state of poor to reach the state of Abundance!

First build the foundations by building the state of Poor and then build the house by building the state of Abundance with virtuous cycles! Virtuous cycles are actually spiritual investment schemes!

 

To everything there is an order of progression. We, as humans, want to build our houses without foundations! God, as a Divine Being, wants us to be Divine Beings too (we are made in the image of God!) and to build the foundations first so that our houses don’t fall down at the first flood or earthquake! “The wise Man builds his house upon the rocks!”

So our choices in life are to aim for the divine states of Poor and Abundance or to head for the lack states of poverty and riches! God in no way wants us degraded and exhorts us to aim for the Poor and Abundant states! I do the same, and say it is possible because I am doing it right now! Come and join us! You have nothing to lose except your (inherited) poverty, riches and misery! And everything to gain in the states of Poor, Abundance and creating a Divine Civilisation!

 

kindest regards,

May Love, Detachment, Health, Happiness, Peace, Success and Prosperity BE yours,

reverend master j’iam

 

email 1: reverendjiam@hotmail.com

email 2: reverendjiam@gmail.com

 

phone/text: 0221 625 941 (New Zealand +64 221 625 941)

 

WPPN Website 1;   http://wholisticpeaceandprosperitynetwork.freewebhost.co.nz

WPPN Website 2;   http://jiamwppn.wix.com/jiamwppn

 

blog: http://peacemakermaster.wordpress.com/

blog: https://reverendjiam.wordpress.com/

 

skype: jiamwppn

 

Look up reverend j’iam on Facebook too!

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A belated thanks

Today I am writing to express belated thanks to a kind gentleman who found me collapsed on the side of the road just south of Carterton. He was on the way home at 1.30 am in the morning from the Palmerston Airport when he saw me and stopped. I never got his name and would like to publicly thank him for his kind deed and explain the circumstances that bought me to be collapsed on the side of the road at that time of the morning. 

I have suffered from depression since the age of 18 and was staying at my son’s house in Greytown at the time because I was seriously ill (with medicine over prescription, I found out about 4 months ago) I couldn’t walk more than a couple of miles without collapsing.

That night I went to bed at about 8 o’clock and awoke at 11.30pm in the middle of one of the worst depressions I have ever suffered. I was not in control of my mind at all. It was filled with thoughts of killing myself and wanted to find a railway track to put my head onto so I could be decapitated. As I had no idea where the Greytown railway station was I headed out the house walking towards Carterton in the knowledge that my body would collapse before reaching the railways lines.

I tried to warn my son I needed help, stopping on the way out by saying, “I’ m going out for a walk, I may be some time.” Unfortunately I only got the first part out (this was a reference to one of Scott’s men in the Antarctic who went for a walk in the blizzard to commit suicide. So that didn’t work.)

Fortunately it was focussed on the railway exclusively as I passed a couple of rivers on the way (although I don’t I would have drowned as they were only knee deep, but I could have broken my legs.) It was just after these bridges that I collapsed. At 1.30am this kind Samaritan stopped and the only words I could manage to say were. “I’m sick”

He promptly phoned an ambulance who gave him a hard time asking him if was drunk or drugs. I got the impression they didn’t want to send an ambulance. I could hear everything that he said but couldn’t speak. The ambulance came and hauled me off and he went on his way without me being able to thank him. So that is why I wrote this letter…
Thank you, kind sir, for helping another human being in distress. May the blessings of God and Love descend upon you!

I am also writing this to try to explain to people the consequences of that trip to hospital – and not the last trip either, for I was still being poisoned by over-prescription. But it was the last time for depression because after 40 years I finally received some help with the disease.

As I stated, my depressions started at the age of 18 (I am now 62) and went totally untreated until around ten years ago. It turns out my depression is caused by a hormone unbalance where I literally run out of serotonin in my body and my brain collapses. That is a very uncomfortable feeling and I used to use my medicine as a prophylactic to prevent the onset of depression. I had only ever once before been in a suicidal state (that one lasted three days as I packed up all my belonging and organised my affairs).
I do remember waking up once on a Tuesday and the only thing I can remember of the previous five days was getting out of bed once to go to the toilet. When I came out of depressions my friends would say, “Oh, you’re back!” as if I had almost been away on holiday. I really didn’t even know I had depression as when I woke up I promptly forgot about them, as they were times when “I” wasn’t in control. It was as if a stranger came into my mind and took it over for however long they wanted (up to a week) until the lacking serotonin was replaced again.

I finally realised I had depression when reading an article that stated people with depression often paint their rooms yellow and have bright lights. I looked around my canary yellow kitchen – the only part not painted yellow was the floor – and at the 400 watt light bulb I used and realised that it was talking about me!

I want to say to people that being mentally ill is very isolating and your friendship in times of mental illness is very important. I was an isolationist in my depressions – I just disappeared, went to bed and stayed there until it had gone.

The outcome of that trip to hospital was help from the mentally emergency crew for the first time in my life. They sorted out a medicine regime that actually worked and I haven’t had a full blown depression since, just the odd dip a couple of times.

Then about 4 months ago I was hauled off to hospital from my umpteenth collapse and a doctor took my blood pressure sitting down and then standing up and discovered that my blood pressure was dropping by 30% when I stood up! And the collapses were caused by low blood pressure because no one had ever taken my blood pressure whilst standing before and they were treating me for the falsely elevated reading. The end result being that my brain was being starved of oxygen and I was collapsing all over the place. I instantly stopped taking my blood pressure tablets and felt like I was 20 years old again! Since then I have been recovering my life and rebuilding it.

To all depression sufferers I say this, sometimes the only thing that kept me going was the phrase, “This too will pass!” I hope this will be of help to you. There are many variations of depression and sometimes a book called, “The Black Dog” is excellent for many of them. Just two small recommendations.

I fell truly peaceful for the first time in my life! I am gradually rebuilding my life having written over 300 blogs of up to a thousand words each over the past year and a bit, and am getting my life back on course.

I am also rebuilding my employment chances again as I have been unemployed for a large part of my adult life, especially since 2002 when I had a nervous breakdown. Now I know why – the depression made me unreliable.
I am sorry for the length of this letter and hope you can publish it in your newspaper, not necessarily in the letters to the editor, to give hope to other sufferers of this terrible isolating disease.

Again thank you to that anonymous man and to all the people who have since helped me recover a lot of my health (the number one priority in life). Only by being healthy can we ever hope to achieve a lot of the other things – happiness, success, detachment, peace and prosperity.

Kindest regards,
reverend master j’iam